An open letter to Brett.
You didn’t have to kill yourself, I would’ve died for you. But I know you didn’t want that for me, so I stay alive for you. I stay fly for you, do art full time for you, open galleries and invite people to come for you. Hustle day and night for you, and every once and a while at night I cry for you. My best friend, first real friend, before you I never had friends. Light skin pretty boy, creative fucking witty boy, keep a nice chick or two. Dragon Ball fiend, always talking about Vegeta vs Goku, trunks was your favorite though, video game fiend, Yea Resident evil & DDR was ya thing, I still whoop ass in Street Fighter to this day cause of how badly you beat my ass in Street Fighter everyday. My brother. Birth mark on your face so I clowned you called you two face, in high school they called me ugly & wouldn’t touch me, but you was my nigga though, I’m tired of crying, but its liberating, I’m sorry I wasn’t there. You needed me, I was off doing my thing, trying to do the fashion thing, you was half my soul though, you loved DMX I was more like Hov though, I’m sorry about Jodi I know you wanted to beat my ass, but I never had a chick be into me, all of that was new to me, still you had forgiven me, still remember the day I got that call, I was in Chicago, waiting on the bus I think it was Crystal or my mom that called, just left my girlfriends condo, I fell out in the middle of the street on my knees, I prayed it was a mistake, but it wasn’t and you died on valentines day, Brett I never healed straight, like broken limbs that don’t heal right, nigga I ain’t been right, I still have nightmares, fighting in my dreams having night terrors, I can’t even love right, I can’t even feel shit, I remember when I loved hard. Now it’s just hard to love. I don’t want to do this anymore Brett, I’m tired. I have all these dreams and things I want to do, but everyday, I hurt man. I’m a shark, Brett. If I stop swimming, I’ll die, and I know the bullshit quotes about god never puts more on us than what we can handle, but what if I was atheist and I didn’t believe in god. Like, what then? I’ve never confronted these demons, I’ve just lived with them, because I’m not strong enough to defeat them. I can’t… So when I wake up tomorrow, I’m going to start the day as usual. “Good Morning to the Hustlers…” Because that’s what I do. I work hard for that vision. Our dreams. The comic. The gallery. The life as an artist. Just know I’m hurting brother. I know you’re here with me. Everyone thinks I’m so horrible. Arrogant, evil even. They don’t see my pain. But who cares… All that matters is the vision. All of this, from my career, to my child to my marriage, it’s all for you. You saved my life. You’re my personal Jesus. Thank you. I love you. I want to say more, but, idk. This’ll do for now. Peace Breezie.
-Evo
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